River City Roughage: Fish Merv

The doors slide open soundlessly before you. You trudge forward, biceps flexed to balance the blood-stained trashcan above your head.

The air inside is thick with the aroma of Merv Fries, Merv Rings, and Mondo Mervs.

The counter attendant asks, “How can I help you?” Her head is so perfect beneath that paper cap, you want to take it between your meaty paws and crush it. Is there anything you do not destroy?

You consider your options, scanning the right-hand column of the menu board for an item that fits your 95-cent budget. Ultimately, you make the same choice you always do.

“One Fish Merv, please,” you declare, index finger piercing the air as you robotically gesture.

“Will that be to go?” she asks.

You nod, silent.

“Will there be anything else?” she chirps.

“One Fish Merv, please,” you repeat, gesturing as before. You know you’ll need it in the heat of battle. Tucked beside your well-worn copies of Stone Hands and Dragon Feet, the snacks provide a welcome burst of throw power and max power. Not enough to max it out – but enough to get by.

“Will there be anything else?” she asks. Do you detect a hint of wariness in her cherubic eyes? Is she glancing at the other diners, wondering when this call-and-response will end?

There is one more thing. “A smile,” you request. It’s free.

She cranes her neck to one side and, grudgingly, beams from ear to ear.

You could keep up this dance indefinitely, but you, too, feel the pull to be elsewhere. This time, when she asks if there will be anything else, you shake your head.

You hoist your trashcan aloft and step out the sliding doors, back into the street, where the oblivious shoppers go about their day.

River City Roughage is a tribute to the eponymous NES game and a work of fiction.